So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
