Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
