i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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