I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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