wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
