I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
