Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
