i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
