How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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