Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
