Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
