ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
