I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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