I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
