Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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