found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
