you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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