goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
