Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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