Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
