so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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