I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
