Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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