Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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