Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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