Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
