just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
