Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
