Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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