Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
