I'm gonna have a badass scar
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
