if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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