I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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