I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
