Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
