I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize