she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
