so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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