I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
