Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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