The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
