I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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