Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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