that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize