stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I currently don't understand fingers.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
