I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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