I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
