i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
