Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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