Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize