Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize