If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
