So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
