i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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