thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
