I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
