I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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