My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
