i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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