I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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