Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
