I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
