I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize