there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I party with great urgency now.
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