The maid of honor just puked.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
