he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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