so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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