you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize