He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
